It was the kind of morning when you drag yourself into a café, order hashbrowns with a side of hashbrowns, and avoid any other decision making. Despite this, we wandered into a tattoo parlour.
“A tiny pencil!” I exclaimed, without much thought, to a stranger that I blindly trusted to permanently commemorate this impulse. When I looked at my arm days later, I cringed as I saw the crooked, imperfect lines and washed-out colours.
At the time, my job was to nurture open-ended experimentation as I led hundreds of students through workshops at the Vancouver Art Gallery. All the while, I hid my own impulsive experiment under strategically placed bracelets or intentional long sleeves.
Creating arts programming in Cumberland
In 2022, I decided to use those years of experience as an art gallery educator to create arts programming in Cumberland. When I was naming my business, I couldn’t think of a better way to transform my relationship with mistake making.
I launched my programs in Cumberland with lesson plans that I had thoroughly considered and that had strong conceptual underpinnings. But I quickly discovered I hadn’t given myself enough time to play with—and deeply understand—each medium and process that I wanted to demonstrate to the class.
With ten sets of impressionable young eyes on me, I had no choice but to model self-compassion when something didn’t turn out as planned. This allowed me to transform a process gone wrong into something new, letting unknown possibilities lead the way.
My students watched me try, fail, and laugh at myself. They watched me be kind to myself as I thought through new approaches to each project. They watched me implement their ideas, merging them with my own. They watched—and shared—my excitement as something new emerged.
Leaning into vulnerability as a teacher
As I began to model my own vulnerability, students started to cheer for me like I had envisioned myself cheering for them. They felt empowered to offer problem-solving suggestions to me and to each other. We began to see ourselves as co-experimenters.
Removing the idea of “teacher as expert” allowed us to connect through common feelings of frustration. I’ve come to understand that after-school time can be very challenging for students, so I am learning how to remain open and responsive to what is important to them. Displaying genuine curiosity toward my students helps me be kinder to myself, renegotiate my expectations of desired outcomes, and embrace the unknown possibilities of creative co-pursuits.
A priority of our program is spending time with local artists. These interactions have reciprocal benefits: the artists absorb the energy of our curiosity and the students are exposed to ways in which adults continue to play, experiment, and collaboratively create.
I intended to teach students the power of art as a tool to bring us together. When I was a kid, my interest in art making gave me a sense of belonging to a group of people who, like me, didn’t fit into any other pre-defined groups. I wanted to help my students find a pathway towards identity development and belonging.
It turns out that I am still a kid in the back of the class, drawing alone, until I am brave enough to share my work. I needed to create something wholeheartedly and offer it as bravely and generously as possible to build, rather than “become part of,” a community. My hope is that young artists see this kind of vulnerability, courage, and generosity as the way towards feelings of belonging themselves.
“Raise your hand if you have ever felt frustrated when something doesn’t work out the way you want it to!” Every one of our hands goes up, every time.
Owning and sharing your mistakes
Maybe this is why we love pencils: we are braver when we think that “mistakes” can be erased. But do they need to be? What happens if some mistakes are permanently visible? What are we missing if we hide them?
The tiny pencil on my arm continues to remind me of the possibilities that making mistakes can generate if we are open to sharing them—whether we can erase them or not.
Tiny Pencil Studios facilitates programming on the unceded territory of the Sahtloot, Sasitla, leeksun and Puntledge, also referred to as the K’ómoks Nation. We acknowledge our privilege and commit to uplifting and learning from the original stewards of this land.
