If I had nine lives:
I would climb the highest mountains and ski the deepest powder every single day. My legs would never get tired.
When I get home, the fire would already be lit and the bath already poured. The hot water would never run out.
I would be strong, beautiful, and perfect. And you would be perfect. I would love you and fall deep into your warm embrace every night.
We would have a gaggle of kids who never get sick or old. We would protect them from the ugly things and they would stay innocent and cute forever.
The only thing the dogs would ever steal are belly rubs. I would never pick up another shit. Ever.
If I had nine lives, eight of them would be perfect.
But the ninth:
The ninth is unpredictable, unforgiving, unbearably messy. Only those with a deep respect for the awesome power of nature will be granted access to its summits. Only those who are truly passionate will understand the madness of a lifetime pursuing the perfect turn. I learn to be grateful for the opportunity to chase my dreams and I quiet my soul in the moments outside of the pursuit.
The kids will get older and I’ll have the honour to bear witness to this terrible, beautiful reality. And, if I am lucky enough, I will have taught them to avoid repeating my mistakes and learn to grow from all of their own.
I, too, will grow older and tired and sore and gnaw off my arms and my legs and all the parts of myself that I love until I finally find where the “I” in me lives. I will grow weaker and uglier so that I can see where my true beauty hides.
In this life, my love will be given out easily and my heart will be broken often, so that I am free to fall in love with you again and again and again. Because in this life, we will need each other, and I will swallow my ego so I have the humility to ask for help. I am not perfect, but neither are you, and our imperfections will fit like lock and key.
This life is ugly and messy and impossible.
It will take conviction to know the path.
And humility to recognize that I was never alone.
And patience to see the beauty that is all around me.
And a deep gratitude for this suffering.
And grit to persevere.
And strength to protect all that is soft and pure.
And wisdom to learn the lessons I failed to learn in my past lives.
I will love the shit out of this life, and let the person that I will become catch me when I fall.
