Chances are, you’ve had a coach, or you know one. Perhaps you’re a coach yourself, helping out your child’s team or training masters athletes. Perhaps, like me, you’ve had a myriad of coaches over your life.
I’ve been reflecting on coaching since I joined a masters Nordic ski group in the 2022-23 season. In my lessons, I would catch myself feeling like a kid at practice. What a breath of fresh air for me: a 42-year-old mom of two children, a small business owner with lots of responsibilities and a touch of arthritis.
Finding freedom through athletic flow state
It wasn’t that long ago that I discovered that I adore Nordic skiing. I couldn’t have been worse when I started, but I didn’t care. When skiing, I was often transported out of my chronological age into a flow state—that rare place in life where you feel truly free.
Grateful for the excellent coaching I was receiving, I began reminiscing about my many high school coaches. They were usually teachers volunteering their time, kicking balls in the rain with creaky knees, spiking balls at us with rusty shoulders, letting us run with them through the woods. All of them were my everything in my sporting life, which was really my whole life. (I have a report card, from way back before the internet, that says, “Gillian has great athletic prowess, but she could focus on math a little more.” That about sums up high school for me.)
My lifetime of athletic transformation
In each decade since then, I nestled into a new sport: university soccer player, competitive marathon runner, professional triathlete. Now, with skiing, I began to wonder if I could become a coach as well as an athlete. But if I did sign up to coach tiny humans, what would happen? Would I make an impression on them? What even makes a good coach? How would I know if I was getting there?
I didn’t have the answers, but maybe the only way to find out was to complete a full circle. I signed myself up.
Learning the art of coaching young athletes
Over the course of the 2023-2024 ski season, I became certified as a coach; I began teaching 6- to 9-year-olds to ski; and I learned a lot about the state of youth sports.
Teaching was the easy part. Kids just want to play, and they’re darn good at it. They needed much less pure coaching than I had imagined. It was more like herding cats: I often felt like my main job was just keeping your kid from getting lost in the woods.
I learned not to speak for more than about eight seconds or I’d lose their attention. They were watching me ski, not processing what I said; they’d learn when they were ready, not when I was. And what mattered most was connecting with them and showing up with enthusiasm. “I’m glad you’re here!” and a big smile went a long way.
Valuing childhood joy over athletic performance
I appreciated each child’s spirit far more than their skill. When I saw one of my ski students participating in a dance recital last spring, I was filled with admiration for the wonder, delight, and joy she took in dancing, just as she did in skiing. That child-led happiness and fulfilment, I felt, is the ultimate goal of youth sport, especially at early stages of development. It might have been my coaching insight of the year.
And yet, I fear adults are messing up youth sports. I’m as much as part of the puzzle as anyone: as soon as I entered the coaching arena, I started to feel some of the pressure around youth sports: the objective is to get the kids to improve. Quickly.
The competitive trap in youth athletic programs
We focus programs around goals: races, scoring, winning, etc. And because kids love the programs, lots of them love these goals, too. I started to see some kids beginning to lose the pure fun of the sport, while becoming very committed to faster times, better performances.
It’s not just skiing—whatever sport your kid does, that train seems to pick up speed around age 10. It’s hard to get off the train once you buy a ticket, because soon that sport requires so much commitment that other sports, play time, and even outright downtime cannot be explored.
Rethinking the approach to youth athletic development
Are we doing this right? Nobody wants their kids to miss out on opportunities. But parents should know that plentiful and varied sport exposure ultimately makes the best, healthiest, lifelong athletes.
The highest levels of achievement in sport come with great sacrifices I’m not sure I’d want for my child, speaking from experience. But what I do want for them is also what I gleaned from sport: self-worth, confidence, friendships, mentorship, trust, a place of peace, a reason to treat my body with care and respect, a sense of joy, a place to learn to fail.
Reflecting on the value of sports beyond competition
I was lucky to grow up in an era where sports for kids were less of a pressure cooker. I hadn’t a clue how well my coaches protected me, allowing and encouraging me to grow as an athlete. I have a better appreciation now. I think we need to turn down the pressure cooker.
My goal this year is to coach with the intention of patience—for my learning, for youth development, and for our sports system. My children will continue to compete, and I’ll focus on their enjoyment of what they love about their sports. The train has left the station, but there are many tracks ahead to explore.